I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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