I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
