I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize