its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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