I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
