After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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