Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
