yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
