3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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