I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
