Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's the barista slut.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
