I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
