She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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