Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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