i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
