my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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