Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
