So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
