Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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