I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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