there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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