Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I touched a dick in church today
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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