Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
