Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
