The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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