dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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