The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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