kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think my moral compass just broke
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