mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
