Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
