Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
