I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
someone threw a dead crab at me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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