I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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