Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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