your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
