how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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