R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
