Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
