The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
