I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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