I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
