apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
