Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
