Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
