sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
