the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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