My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
