I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
