Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
