week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
