quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
