I just cut my nipple shaving
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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