worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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