That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
