I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize