dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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