No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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