We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
