also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize