My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
