Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
