I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
