Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
