he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
