We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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