His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
