I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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