Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
