Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
