currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
