Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
