Say something about gay babies.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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