I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize