if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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