Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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