You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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