GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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