Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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