Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
