god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
