Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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