You made me cry and you don't even care
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
