He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
