I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
should my penis look like a turkey
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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