I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Too much gin, very little bucket
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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