I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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