What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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