I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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