you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
