I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
