he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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