i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
