This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
