i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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