the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
