I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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