I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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