The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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