is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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