i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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