dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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