I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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