I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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