He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
