i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
