You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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