I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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